Love: Aligned With Values

“A great relationship doesn't happen because of the love you had in the beginning, but how well you continue building love until the end.”

-The Love Bits

Relationships And Values

While pondering upon relationships and the amount of decision-making involved in them. There's a very simple but complicated aspect that often gets ignored i.e. ‘Values’.

When we are in love with someone we often tend to overlook the contradicting values or beliefs, especially during college dating. This doesn't seem to cause issues in the initial stages of a relationship and everything goes on smoothly. However, a lack of aligning values be it cultural values, individual values, and so on becomes really problematic in the later stages of a relationship and can make a mirthful relationship quite toxic and traumatic.

For eg:- If a college dating couple who belongs to different cultural backgrounds might agree to get into a relationship by overlooking all the differences. But, later on, they could get into a rift for the same reasons.

How To Make Wise Decisions In A Relationship?

Now, after realizing how significant it is to align values in a relationship it's time to delve into some ways and steps to make your relationship much healthier and happier in the long run!

Have a Conversation:-

In a relationship, usually, while dating in college it is very important to have a wholehearted and honest conversation. You should clarify your values, beliefs, and opinions with your partner.

This makes both partners feel light-hearted and the expression of opinions also leads to clarity of thoughts. This makes the relationship more compatible and long-lasting. Also, it clears misunderstandings which might make the relationship toxic in the future.

Don't Avoid Integral Topics:-

A lot of times, in a relationship couples tend to avoid a lot of topics considering it's so early to do so as they might b just exploring college dating. They keep on avoiding some things that might be bothering them.

Maybe the way their partner is behaving isn't meeting their values but they chose to remain a silent spectator. This isn't a healthy practice in a relationship because after a certain point of time, your suppressed feelings can burst out in a ferocious way.

Define Your Goals:-

In order to make sure that your values align with your partner since college dating itself you need to make sure that you both define your goals. When goals are shared it gives a hefty understanding to both individuals. Hence, the couple is able to make compatible and improvised decisions.

Be Respectful:-

Once you both are aware of your conflicting values, goals and fears from the tenure of college dating only. You should be absolutely cooperative and respectful towards each other's values. There's a great possibility that you might not be able to relate absolutely with them but that doesn't mean you got the license to disrespect or demoralize their values or belief system.

Think About The Consequences:-

Once the individual values and goals are openly shared by both partners. Then, the next step is to think about the consequences. Results that will take place if this relationship continues to blossom even after college dating. Also, all the pessimistic and optimistic perspectives should be well encountered by the couple. This requires not only an emotional approach but also a practical approach to scrutinize the situation well.

Consider Advice:-

While stepping into a relationship at the level of college dating it's good to share what's going on in your heart and head. Such feelings can only be shared with your close family, friends, and well-wishers. They might be able to give you a third-person viewpoint. At times when a person is perplexed which is most likely to happen during college dating such advice can work as a lifesaver and surely rescue the situation. You can also take advice from people who are already in a relationship or might have undergone the same situation and can even help you explore your dating styles.

Trust Your Gut:-

A lot of times when we are in a dilemma we are most likely to question our decision-making power. We also don't consider it important to explore our inner feelings considering we've just entered into college dating. We ignore or might doubt what we exactly want.

Do I want to be in a relationship with a person whose values don't align with mine or do I not?

This is the most important question but individuals are most prone to overlook this quite often. However, even if it's your first experience of college dating you shouldn't make this mistake and just trust your gut feeling and your intuition. I know you might be bothered to do so because of your awful past experiences. But, worry not close your eyes, keep a hand on your heart, pray wholeheartedly, and do what you feel like.

Take Wise Decisions:-

It's very significant to make Wise decisions. After discussing all these ways, a couple should come to a conclusion after introspecting from social, emotional, and even psychological aspects to come to a wise decision.

That decision could be very tough as it could be either to separate or unite in that bond. But, in college dating what actually matters is that you should be honest enough in your decision. If you think you'll be able to give your 100% in that relationship then surely go for it. But if you feel that this is leading to somewhere uncanny then you shouldn't keep yourself or your partner in any sort of confusion and it's better to not get into any such bond and end things in a cordial ways.

Review And Adjust:-  

It's not necessary that you’ll get in a relationship with someone during college dating who perfectly fits your predefined standards of a perfect partner. So, it is mandatory for both the partners to work laboriously in building and adjusting in a relationship.

If a couple is genuinely serious for each other then they can easily overcome the obstacle of unaligned values. They can even blend their values and make little bit of compromises. As, compromise isn't always a negative term. For a relationship to prosper some compromises can be mutually made by both the couples for one another.

It's my personal advice for dating that it's always better to review and adjust in a relationship rather than breaking it apart!

Don't Go For Forced Adjustments:-

This is an undeniable fact that going through adjustments makes a relationship much more strong and enhances compatibility. But, at the same time adjusting doesn't mean submissiveness. You don't need to agree with everything your partner says or expects.

Aligning with values doesn't require aligning forcefully with values.

Considering it's your college dating experience it has to be perfect. Because even if you do so after a certain bond you share will get crushed under the burden of the compulsions. All relationships demand loyalty as well as assertiveness. If you ever feel like the values of your partner are way more different than yours. And even after giving your best the gap isn't bridged then one should surely reconsider his/her decision.

Cope Up With Situations:-

If you or your partner decides not to continue with your relationship because of a conflict of thoughts and values. Then, don’t take this personally. Don't start contemplating the faults you have in yourself. Just calm down, relax, and understand that there's a great possibility that all the relationships of your life might not last long and most of them will break and fall apart. But, it's alright. In fact, you should understand that there's no fault in any one of you and the decision you both took is a wise one. As, if it has gone to the next level above college dating also and then if you had to leave him/her it would’ve been even more painful and traumatic. Consider it as God's will and move on with an optimistic approach.

Just believe All that happens, happens for good only!

Sharing Experiences:-

Ryan and Vidya are the most suitable examples of a couple dating in college. They have been dating each other for the past 2.5 years. Ryan is a Christian whereas Vidya is a Hindu. When asked about their conflicting religious beliefs and values. They merrily answered that they had overcome a lot of obstacles in their path. Starting from their religious values to their personal values.

They reiterated that they are different people altogether. But, one thing they always kept in mind throughout this tenure is not to get ruled by the principle of ‘My way or Highway’. They both have made various compromises for one another. But most importantly they have always respected each other's values. Also, they have been empathetic enough to look at each other's perspectives. These tiny steps have led to big and beautiful changes and made their relationship much more prosperous and mirthful!
So, you can also take inspiration from Ryan and Vidya and begin on a voyage to align values in your relationship!

Taking Inspiration from Movies, Books and Series:-

Two States:-

Two States is one of the most poignant films of all times. Adapted from the novel of Chetan Bhagat, the movie ruled over millions of hearts. It gives a true depiction of Krish and Ananya falling in love with each other and transcending all the obstacles be it cultural, religious, social, emotional and so on. A great retreat for college dating enthusiasts!

Little Things:-

The ordinary but extraordinary romance of Dhruv and Kavya gives you a fair idea of how conflict of values can occur between a couple and how one can work on a relationship to align them. Through Little Things only the series has left a prominent remark on the hearts of the audience.

The Notebook:-

The Notebook is one of the finest Hollywood films which spans over the theme of falling deeply in love. But, most significantly the movie represents how true love overcomes all barriers whether it’s social, emotional or even psychological. It can help people to cope up with their college dating experiences

Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler:-

Crucial Conversations actually give practical advice to rescue the falling apart relationships. Especially the ones in which perspectives are poles apart, stakes are high and emotions are overpowering. A recipe from the best and most experienced authors will surely add flavor to your college dating!

Conclusion

Finally, I would like to conclude by stating that you should try your level best to work on your relationship from the grassroot level of college dating and bridge the gaps within your values. But, at the same time being confined under relationships under compulsions isn't advisable at all.

To know what love actually means in a relationship check out our blog on: love's magic or logic.

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