Friends-to-Lovers <3
Love is in the air, and you out of all people can't deny that fact! You know what we mean..
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We love friends-to-lovers trope! <3
It’s probably one of our favorite romance dynamics – like 90 out of our 100 OTPs are friends-to-lovers.
But there are a lot of these kinds of relationships that we don’t like, too, and it’s for the reason you’re stating. They’re over-direct, and obvious, and unrealistic. Two people don’t just go from a platonic place to, “Whoa, I guess I’m in love and never noticed.”
There are other friends-to-lovers relationships that begin from a place of little or no attraction, like Monica and Chandler from F.R.I.E.N.D.S., or April and Jackson from Grey’s Anatomy. In these cases, there was a particular instant of connection (in other words, a one-night stand) that caused them to view each other differently.
We're kidding, though – it doesn’t have to be a one-night stand, and in fact, that’s kind of overplayed. But any moment of physical or emotional connection can cause you to re-evaluate someone’s role in your life. Comfort over one another’s loss, a genuine display of friendship, or even a meaningless physical interaction (you know what we're talking about, Community fans) can spark the random daily instances of, “Wow. He has gorgeous eyes.” and, “She’s gonna be there, so I have to look nice.”
When Harry Met Sally, How I Met Your Mother, F.R.I.E.N.D.S.- These popular stories share a common theme: Friends become lovers.
Is there any truth to these dramatic plots?
Do friends become romantic partners in real life?
The answer is yes! Not only are romantic couples platonic friends before they become romantically involved, but this path to romance is common.
But Were They Really “Friends” First?
Maybe they had ulterior motives for forming the “friendship” and wanted it to become romantic all along. It is unlikely, or at least not common. research, conducted at the University of Manitoba, University of Waterloo, and the University of Victoria, they asked some students whether they or their partner started the friendship with the purpose of becoming romantic partners and 70% said that they hadn’t! Instead, they were just friends and then became romantically interested after getting to know each other. And on average, that took almost two years for friends to develop and act on those feelings.
They also showed that almost half of these students thought that being friends was the best way to start a dating or romantic relationship. For these folks, meeting online or at a bar was rarely ideal. They suspect that being friends first allows you to get to know the other person on a different level—beyond physical attraction. And this might be a good thing: All the qualities that make a good friend, and the closeness from being friends, strengthen romantic relationships.
Can men and women ever be “just friends” like Harry and Hermione in Harry Potter?
Of course! Researchers studying friendships between women and men find that friends often have no romantic interest in each other and even fewer ever act on such desires. Even in their own studies participants were friends for years before things turned romantic.
Take a look at these two real-life scenarios and see if you can resonate wit either or both of them in any way and maybe you can find the answer for what you might be searching for..
"I Kissed My Best Friend"
Heartbreak and alcohol are dangerous counselors.
Here's a story of someone who wants to stay anonymous..
"I was still picking up the pieces after my divorce when I went out with my best friend of over 15 years. He was the one who had a crush on me from the beginning, the one whose feelings I couldn’t reciprocate, not in the way he deserved. We had talked about it many times, and we had talked about how he had gotten over me.
He had been over me for over 10 years at that point. He had also been the one I’d tell all about my issues, my disappointments, my heartbreaks. At that point, my friendship with him had lasted longer than my relationship with my ex-husband.
We went out. We talked about our respective heartbreaks. And we drank.
We decided to go to a club. It was a weak night, only a few people were dancing, and the place looked a bit pathetic, to be honest.
Alcohol made us loose, and we started to move closer together. He held me by the waist and before we kissed I said, “This changes nothing.”
Miraculously, it didn’t. But I believe not having progressed from making out to sex helped us maintain our friendship after that night. A few months later, he got a girlfriend, and I got a boyfriend. We still tell each other everything."
"I Lost A Friend By Turning Him Into A Lover"
Here's another story of a random someone...
"Deciding to kiss another guy friend who had been with me for a while was quite different than deciding to kiss my best friend. First, we weren’t as close, and second, I abandoned all hope that we’d remain friends should our relationship go south.
We started seeing each other, and eventually, we had sex.
The moment we moved from friends-to-lovers, I felt something shift. I knew our friendship could never be what it was, we had crossed a very important line.
While I wasn’t sure I wanted a serious relationship, I could see he was falling in love with me. He finally proposed we became official boyfriend and girlfriend, in an exclusive, meet-the-parents kind of relationship. I refused. Our time together made me realize how different we actually were, despite how well we got along.
The truth was that, on my part, there was a lot more friendship than love.
It was a cold morning in February when I decided to end things. We woke up in the same bed, having had sex the night before — for the very last time.
He didn’t take it well at first. He insisted, asking me to reconsider several times, but I knew it was for the best — and I knew we could never go back to being friends, the emotional load of having been together, even for a short period of time, was still too much to ignore.
It was tough for him, but he finally understood my side. After we parted ways, we never spoke again. And yes, I miss my friend sometimes, even though I know this is the best outcome for both of us."
Not All Male-Female Friendships Have The Same Fate!
You can be friends for life, never having any romantic involvement; you can make out, or even become a couple, and resume being friends after you’re done; or you can invest in the romance at the cost of the friendship.
What you need to know is that there’s always the risk that romance and sex will change things. You can’t ignore that becoming physically intimate with someone can change how you feel about them.
Sanskrati
As a rule, you shouldn't believe that becoming friends first is the best path to winning someone’s heart. Yes, friends can become more than just friends — sometimes partners for life — but the best way to get someone to date you is to flat out ask them on a date, not to slowly make your way into being their friend in the hopes one day they’ll notice you as a potential romantic partner.
In the end, mixing friendship and romance is always risky, you never know if your friendship will bounce back from that, and you’ll only know if it was worth the shot if you take it.
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