Signs of Possessiveness in a Relationship

Don't we all feel a little bit possessive over the person we love? We want them all to ourselves, right?

Being possessive about the person you love comes naturally, you don't want your person to be close to someone else but that's not the case in all relationships. Sometimes possessiveness is the result of insecurity or many insecurities that a person has about oneself that make them think that they can be replaced and forgotten.

With this fear, they carry on to claim the person they are in a relationship with in many ways that are not ideal in a relationship but they are still commonly used. These depraved ways have a direct effect on the person that they claim to love, but to their advantage – they get what they want, not letting the person leave.

Let’s talk about some of these ways in order to protect ourselves and surround ourselves with people who not only take care of our needs and wants but also prioritize our mental well-being and don’t let their personal problems affect us.

When a relationship is more based on control than love, it will never be expressed in words but there will be signs.

Signs You Shouldn't Miss!

Constant Monitoring:

They frequently check up on your whereabouts, phone calls, texts, or social media activity. Constantly asking "Who are you talking to?", "where are you going?". They are being possessive because of their insecurities but they are making you feel like you are unfaithful and untrustworthy due to so many questions and doubts in their head. They are guilt-tripping you when you talk to someone else, making themselves the victims and telling you how it hurts them and how they are losing trust.

Let me tell you what it actually is– they are not hurt at the heart, they are manipulative at the brain, and they are a control freak.

Isolating Behavior:

They try to limit your contact with the people in your life or discourage you from pursuing hobbies or interests outside of your relationship. They want to be the only one for you and they want you to know that they are always showcasing their dislike when you talk to other people. This kind of behavior is toxic and can make the person fully dependent on their partner, which leads to blindly trusting them and not being able to leave when they want to.

Open your eyes and imagine being dependent on one person who threatens to leave on every small mistake, picture it and you can see the unauthorized control they have, picture it and you see the manipulation and misuse of the control. It is clear as crystal and bitter as a bitter gourd that they are toxic and you should leave but they made leaving so hard when it shouldn’t have been and you are now picturing a not-so-special and a control freak human as the man of your dreams.

Jealousy Of Opposite- Sex Friendships:

They get easily jealous of your interactions with anyone of the opposite sex, not caring if it's platonic, they want to be the only person of the opposite gender that you talk to and feel threatened when someone else takes a step to communicate, insecurity talking - they don't think they are good enough and can be replaced by other people of opposite gender in your life.

The type of accusations and mistrust they show in order to remove that person from your life has nothing to do with the bond you share with that person, a simple look at anyone else will make them jealous, they are just insecure but they put that burden on your shoulders.

Jealousy is sometimes considered same as possessiveness which is not correct, to know the actual difference between two read our previous blog about :Jealousy or possessiveness.

Guilt Trips And Manipulation:

They use manipulation or guilt trips to control your behavior such as making you feel bad for spending time with others, pointing out your flaws during any communication in a joking manner, and making you feel like you are special only because they chose you by telling how many people were interested in them and they do know what effect these jokes have on you, that is exactly why they stick to them. This manipulation is used to make you emotionally vulnerable and weak, and in those weak moments, in that vulnerability, the only person you see to support you, the only person you see to make you feel better is the one who made you weak.

A relationship is about supporting each other and giving strength, they are doing the exact opposite.

Controlling Behavior:

They try to control your clothing choices, hair-do, the nail paint color you wear, the makeup you put on, or even your opinions on things according to their liking.

They want to mold you into a person that fits their interests, what they want, and what they think from how you do your hair to how you feel about a controversy.

They are being their controlling selves and it’s not really pleasing to be controlled.

Possessiveness stems from a desire to control your partner, which is unhealthy.

Close Call: Personal Experience

Now onto an equally concerning and related topic –

Many people consider possessiveness attractive and part of a healthy relationship. That their partner being possessive about them shows their admiration and protection but it hits very later on that it is insecurity.

I thought the same thing, he is being possessive because he likes me and wants me and he feels very protective of me which is why he doesn’t want me to talk to my friends or make any new friends. But it was all my illusion, what I made myself think because I liked him and wanted to be with me.

That illusion I created made me feel safe, made me feel like I’m special and that is why he feels the need to protect me and gives me so much attention, listens closely when I talk about other people. That illusion of mine was short-lived and soon enough I came to reality and the reality was he was insecure about his looks.

He thought I could easily get someone who would treat me well and would be good-looking as well so he started taking control over my phone and the people I talked to. Who I am talking to, what I am talking about, and even the time at which I am texting someone else. The reality hit me so hard that I couldn’t take it , it was so hard to be near him and to breathe the same air as him. I felt like he was choking me and blaming me for it.

Not only was it hard to be controlled in such a way but it was lonely as well, he made me let go of all my friends and I had no one to cry to so I stayed for a long time till I couldn’t anymore.

Being constantly monitored and criticized can negatively impact self-esteem and sense of self-worth. I doubted myself and started disliking the things I was proud of. It is extremely important to understand a person before trusting them, you never know what is inside their mind, what they think about themselves. It’s fun and easy to bond over common likings but communication must go a little personal and maybe even about bitter topics to understand a person on a deeper level, to know what might hurt them, what can bring joy to them, and what are their insecurities.

Many times people have different definitions of love and relationship and with different views on a topic that involves them both equally. It becomes hard to stay together, to be in a relationship with each other – what may be a joke to you, can be a life to someone else and it is crucial to know a person as you know yourself before starting a relationship.

REMEMBER!

Trust Builds Relationships.
Insecurities and untrustworthiness are toxic.

If your partner makes you feel like they don’t trust you, it’s not sexy at all. It is their personal conflicts and insecurities they are facing but they don’t want to deal with it so they are putting that baggage on you and it is anything but attractive.

Possessiveness might disguise itself as a sign of affection, but it's a harmful behavior that ultimately destroys trust, fosters insecurity, and damages the relationship. Building a healthy relationship requires trust, respect, open communication, and allowing your partner to be their authentic self.

Concluding with the awareness, I also got some advice for y’all – find a person that vibes with you and has similar views as you, communicates well, and most importantly idyll, the perfect dating app that makes finding the perfect person for you relatively easier and fun.

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