Tips on how to stay on good terms after your breakup

Breakups are hard, but here you are freshly out of a relationship, maybe you saw it coming and it surely left a sting. But let's flip the script here: what if you could end things on a good note and remain on good terms with your ex? Sounds crazy? Maybe you'll not be the besties of all time but staying on good terms with your ex can help you both heal and move forward with respect, if you want. Here's how:

Give some space to each other.

Emotions can feel endless, and it's crucial to create distance, but the first step after a breakup is to allow space. The "cooling-off" period lets you both process the emotions. You might be urged to text, call, or even check on through social media, but giving yourself a period of "no-contact" and creating a distance right away helps you let go of those immediate feelings.

And yes, it's hard. You shared a big part of your life, memories, laughs, and goals with that person, but now take this time to focus on yourself, do what brings you joy, and embrace it.

Approach with kindness and clarity

With the passing of enough time, if you still want to reconnect, do it with respect and clarity. Explain to them your intent to just check in or address an unresolved issue, after all the breakup was for both of you, and it's not wrong to acknowledge your doings. Sometimes like "Hey I hope you are doing well, I just wanted to check in, no pressure to respond if you'd prefer some distance, but I just wanted to reach out." By this, you show signs that you respect each other, even if it didn't work out romantically.

Setting Boundaries: Avoid Misunderstandings

Boundaries are crucial in any friendship after a breakup, and it’s important to discuss your comfort levels regarding communication. Respectfully establishing these boundaries is essential. This may include how often you stay in touch, what topics are off-limits for discussion, whether you’re comfortable with casual texts or need more distance, and if you’re open to meeting in person.

Be clear about your boundaries as well as understanding theirs to avoid any false expectations.

Forgive Each Other

Breakup can stir up feelings of guilt, regret, and resentment, forgiving is essential in terms of moving forward and to truly be on good terms with your ex, you'll need to forgive both them and yourself. Let go of the grudges against your ex and stop looking at them like your enemy even if the breakup was messy, letting go doesn't mean you are excusing any hurtful behavior but instead, it lets you be free of the baggage to carry around- and be able to move forward to grow individually.

“When you forgive, you don’t change the past, but you can change the future.” — Paul Boese.

Avoid talking about old arguments.

It might be tempting to "debrief" and catch hold of the old arguments, and discuss them but it's just a script back to feeling hurt again and usually stirs the old emotions. Don't fall for it. If you start seeing each other again resist the urge to revisit the old memories and try to focus on starting fresh.

Avoid diving into the "remember when" moments, and scratching the old wounds again but establish a fresh source of friendship if you want to keep things light and slow, eventually you'll be at a place where talking about past things won't feel like a gut-wrenching task to do.

Respect their new life (yours too)

It can be difficult to see your ex move on while you are still in the pitful place of endless emotions, but respecting each other's new life is essential.

Remember the break-up was about both of you moving forward, if they are exploring new connections respect that and focus on your path. Comparing your journey to theirs won't lead you to anything good instead embrace your growth. Tip: if it's too hard to see them with someone new, it's okay to create some distance again after all protecting your peace is your priority.

Checking in with yourself

While trying to be on good terms after the break, your emotions might fluctuate and there can be days you feel overwhelmed, keep checking in with yourself. Do you feel ready to talk more often or maybe need another break, having these kinds of days feels just the opposite of having peace of mind– just stay in tune with yourself, keep listening to yourself, take notes of how you are feeling, and adjust accordingly.

It's okay to have to change boundaries with them over time for your wellness and to avoid unnecessary pain.

Embrace the closure

closure isn't something you achieve in one conversation or a day, it's an ongoing journey that happens over time, time after time and with the right path when you reach a place where both of you respect and genuinely wish each other well, that's closure.

Rather than fixating on whether you are over it or not focus on the foundation of healing and work towards it step by step, each interaction, setting of boundaries, respecting each other's new life, and each step towards forgiveness, is part of that process. Remember that a breakup doesn't have to describe you but instead make you stronger and wiser.

Final thought

Just because the relationship ended, doesn't mean you can end things on a high note. You just need to have kindness, patience, and honesty. Giving each other space, trying to understand and setting clear boundaries, embracing forgiveness can help you both move on with respect and grow stronger and wiser.

Re-establishing friendship post-breakup with your ex can be difficult but if you want to stay on good terms with them it isn't impossible. Meet Idyll, the dating app, and find a match for yourself that comes with "good terms" insurance because we believe in happily ever after and friendly ever after too.