How to Date After a Long Relationship
Finding yourself before finding someone new is more important for your own well-being and mental peace. After the ending of a long-term relationship, it is essential to give yourself time to heal before jumping into something new.
Find yourself again before finding someone
Getting back into the dating world after a long-term relationship? It can feel like a seismic shift or an entirely new world, right? The end of a significant relationship left you questioning your self-worth with the uncertainty of the future not being able to comprehend what you are outside of the partnership. Now, the perspective of dating may have changed, but so have you, which is the best part! Coming so far, this shift can be a transformative opportunity for self-discovery.
Table of Contents:
Reconnect with yourself, rediscover what brings you joy and comfort, and get comfortable with who you are before jumping into finding someone new.
Take a break: Embrace your emotions.
After the end of a long-term relationship, it's common to feel the rollercoaster ride of emotions - Confusion, anger, sadness, and maybe even guilt. It's crucial to jump into something new while it still feels like an open wound; instead of pushing these emotions rushing to “move on”, give yourself some time to heal and feel the emotions fully.
Self-care is nothing but taking some time to recognize your behavioral patterns, what soothes you, what triggers you, and what may have impacted the relationship to give you closure so that you're not carrying emotional baggage with you.
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” — Anne Lamott.
Nurture your individuality
Let's be honest—in a long-term relationship, we adapt to a lot of things; compromise, and sometimes even forget our own identity outside of the relationship, losing touch with ourselves.
However, now it is time to reconnect with what makes you feel alive, opening the stock of hobbies or interests you may have set aside.
Take this time to rediscover what makes you fulfilled, to prioritize things that bring joy to you and the interests and quirks that make you stand out.
“Sometimes, the most beautiful chapters in our story begin when we let ourselves blossom all over again.”
Self-care: A compass to your well-being.
When moving forward from a long-term relationship, self-care is an aspect of being in a better place mentally and physically, and by that, what comes to your mind? Maybe go for a salon appointment, get your nails done, have a bubble bath or face mask, or binge-watch Netflix with your favorite snacks. But in this context, self-care is about building a safe space for yourself, getting enough sleep, and eating healthy.
As a daily check-in, to be in a place that is calm and balanced. That way, it is easier to navigate through a breakup, and when you start dating, you’re coming from a place of wholeness and love for another person and yourself as well.
"Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is to relax."
Revisit your core values.
After putting yourself in a place of calmness and peace it is important to consider reflecting on your core values and what truly matters to you. Ending a long-term relationship takes away a lot and often leaves you uncertain about your values as it requires compromise and sometimes your personal space too, which you probably forgot about, but now that you are not in a relationship, this is your chance to get clear on what you want.
Asking yourself questions about your core values and heading on to them is never easy and messy but starting from somewhere makes it easier, making your list of “non-negotiables” and values can serve as a kind of compass and those answers may even shift over time, but having clarity on your values will help you attract people who align with your vision for the time you eventually start dating again.
Setting boundaries: Know what you want
Old habits sometimes do slip into new relationships but what if you set some boundaries this time? Learning from past experiences is the key aspect of preparing yourself for a new relationship, setting clear boundaries can help you recognize patterns in the future and probably avoid a partner who doesn’t meet certain emotional needs.
Having boundaries is essential to maintaining mutual respect and ensuring both partners feel valued. Talking about the non-negotiable qualities it differs from person to person and what type of relationship you intend. Looking for someone who values meaningful and open communication? Do you want a partner who supports your growth? Having this kind of clarity with your partner helps you establish a healthy bond with yourself and your partner.
“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” — Prentis Hemphill.
Ease back into dating.
Once you feel like you are ready to dive in, it is always suggested to go light-hearted into your new relationship, let it go slowly, and casually walk there. Keeping it as a low-pressure approach will help you ease back into dating and give you a sense of what you’re truly looking for this time.
Rushing back isn’t always the right choice when it comes to dating, taking it slow gives you enough space to grow as an individual and doesn’t scare the other person also to stick around comfortably. After all, being patient and compassionate with yourself, there’s no rush to find someone, there’s no perfect way to go about it.
Stepping back into the dating world after a long relationship can be challenging but it's also a golden opportunity to fall back in love with yourself first. So trust your journey, take one step at a time, and before diving into the dating pool know that Idyll has your back. This app helps you rediscover your social side and connect you with like-minded singles, saving you for yet another “personal growth” weekend.